What I usually hear at this point is... “whaaat”?Yes, dialectic is not a word we commonly use. It comes from ancient Greece and was made popular by Plato and Socrates.  Basically, a dialectic is a dialogue between two different points of view.  It differs from a debate, where there is a ‘right or wrong’.  A dialectical approach holds both points of view at the same time, evaluating both sides and coming to an understanding that is somewhere in the middle or a ‘shade of grey’.

Dialectical thinking was introduced in psychotherapy by Marsha Linehan, Ph.D, who developed Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). Similar to Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT), it works to change dysfunctional thinking and behavior.  DBT, however, emphasizes the dialectic of change AND acceptance.  I think of the serenity prayer “grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”  DBT is all about finding the wisdom part - some kind of balance, which isn’t necessarily right smack in the middle. It’s like learning to ride a bike..you lean right and left (very slightly) until you manage to find yourself not falling over.  Driving a car, you notice that the steering wheel usually moves slightly back and forth to stay in the middle of the lane. Often it’s necessary to go from one side to the other to determine your center - like a pendulum.

You can practice dialectical thinking by being an ‘observer’, watching like a fly on the wall.  From this angle, you’re better able to ‘see’ the different parts of a situation and have a more balanced perspective than if you’re in the middle of things.  Taking a ‘step back’  can help you find balance.

Shannon

How many of you - just for the heck of it - randomly dart your eyes around, back and forth, up and down or diagonally?  Most of us don’t unless we’re dreaming and having REM sleep.  Research has found that this rapid eye movement, that occurs in our sleep, plays a significant role in processing and storing information.  It’s like we have a built-in computer processor that runs a program every night to clear out unnecessary files and store what is needed.  Though human beings are more complex than computers, our brain operates as a central processing unit and our organs are attached through nerves, just as computer components are attached by wires.  If you try to load too many files on your computer, or the wires are worn down, the computer can slow down, freeze up, or just shut down completely.  Just like a computer your brain can slow down or freeze when you experience stimulation or information overload.  You’re more vulnerable when you’re young and your brain is still developing.  Events ranging from mildly disturbing to very traumatic can overwhelm the brain and emotions can become frozen as a result. Everyone is affected differently depending on your sensitivity, temperament or environment.  We see the results of unprocessed events clearly in Post Traumatic Stress Disorder when people experience nightmares, flashbacks, and panic attacks.  But milder symptoms of anxiety, depression, insomnia, unexplained body complaints and addictive behaviors (often used to mask symptoms) can also be traced back to negative past events.  While you may remember experiencing unpleasant past events, you may not necessarily understand the current impact.  I will often hear “I dealt with it, I’m over it”.  And, it’s true to a degree.  Over time, we might process parts of the event slowly, intellectually on some level, but perhaps not completely.  We tend to move on and “get over it”, yet, the subconscious (emotions and body) doesn’t forget.  You might hit Control-Alt-Delete on your computer to restart it, but that doesn’t mean the problem is resolved.

So why eye movements? Researchers are still studying the why, but what we DO know from over 20 clinical studies, is that a powerful transformation occurs when we recreate - while you’re awake - the eye movements you’re supposed to be experiencing in REM sleep.  This therapy is called Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing or EMDR.  It was discovered by Francine Shapiro, Ph.D. in 1987 quite by accident while on a walk.  As she moved her eyes around and simultaneously thought of past events, she discovered these events didn’t bother her as much as they used to.  After much research and design, we now have a protocol using eye movements to bring up past events and get them fully processed.  You can see ABC's 20/20 segment about EMDR (it's relatively old, but explains it pretty well).  More recently, Dr. Shapiro was interviewed by the New York Times in February 2012.

We know these past events get completely processed when people are no longer reporting anxiety, panic, depression, sleep has improved and mysterious body complaints are improved.  Addictive urges are greatly reduced as there’s no longer a need to self-medicate.  It's fascinating to see someone bring up the negative memory - really think about it - and it no longer bothers them - it seems farther away, less vivid, because it has been filed into long-term memory where it belongs.  When you think about it, we really don’t remember many events from long ago very clearly, unless something negative happened.  That’s because your survival brain is designed to focus on things that may cause you physical harm, so you can run, fight, or hide.  This part of the brain is primal and doesn’t always separate real harm from perceived harm, so it acts to protect you regardless.  And it doesn’t always know when to stop so it keeps helping you survive long after you need to, leaving you in “survival mode”.  EMDR calms the survival brain, and engages processing so that you can feel what you know to be true. That it is over.

What if you have eye problems or are blind?  Good news.  Over time, it’s been discovered that bilateral (right/left) sensory stimulation - including tapping and sound - can produce the same results.  In fact, I like using these methods to enhance positive memories or thoughts, so that you can close your eyes and really visualize the experience.

I’ve been using EMDR with clients since 2007, and it amazes me to this day the rapid processing that occurs right before my OWN eyes. I never get tired of it.  In the past couple of years, I've used EMDR to reduce (or eliminate) sugar cravings, increase urges for fruits, vegetables, water and increase motivation for exercising.  These sessions have been quite remarkable, while results vary, the outcome is usually long term.

Shannon

Well, here we go already!  I think practicing gratitude on a regular basis is good for your mental health and, with Thanksgiving here this week, now is a good time to double up (chanting to yourself over and over what you’re grateful for).  Depending on your circumstances, the holidays can trigger a variety of emotions.  Memories from years past, stress about “to-do” lists, concerns about encountering family members you may prefer to avoid, etc. etc.  Here are a few tips to begin managing the stress that may come with the season:

1. Don’t be trapped by tradition.  If you find yourself dreading the holiday season, you may want to consider doing something different this year for your own well-being.  Reclaiming the peace and joy -  that the holidays are meant to bring -  is worth the discomfort of change. 

2. Be aware of your intentions.  Do you truly enjoy the process of entertaining?  Most people will enjoy being around you if you are enjoying yourself.  If you’re trying too hard to please or impress others, you and everyone else will likely be disappointed and feeling empty.

3.  If you’re alone for the holidays, you may want to volunteer at a shelter or reach out to a community of caring people.  If you’re alone by choice, don’t feel pressured to socialize if you truly don’t want to.  But also consider that sometimes, when you step outside your comfort zone, you may find yourself enjoying it.  Give yourself an out so you can leave if it doesn’t turn out to be a good situation for you.

4.  Watch out for all the sugar!  I know, I know, it’s the holidays, yet it’s more important than ever to be cautious, since sugar can throw your mood out of whack with the glycemic ups and downs in your bloodstream.  Make sure you’re getting protein every 2 – 3 hours to feed your neurotransmitters and keep your blood sugar in balance to prevent sugar cravings. Try experimenting with different types of sweeteners like stevia and xylitol that are low glycemic.  Artificial sweeteners are NOT good substitutes.  When a recipe calls for sugar, you can actually cut the amount in half and still enjoy your dessert (this is what they do in French bakeries).

5.  Remember to appeal to your five senses for uplifting or calming your mood.  Think pine needles, cinnamon spice, vanilla, chocolate, peppermint, citrus, candle flames, fire places, colored lights, unique decorations, fuzzy slippers and robes, warm baths, lotions, and, of course, don’t forget music!

In the two previous articles, I described sensitivity in regard to your physical nervous system.  In this article, I will be describing the physical aspects of how you get energized.

The terms introverted and extraverted are most commonly used to describe  a person either being socially outgoing or withdrawn.  Usually, extraverts are seen as social butterflies while introverts are seen as the awkward wall flowers or book worms. 

Most people aren’t aware that extraversion/introversion has a genetic component.  Studies of identical twins reveals that there is a difference in brain tissue, with introverts having higher levels of activity than extraverts. With all of this internal activity already occurring in an introvert, it makes sense that prolonged periods of social activity would be overstimulating and can lead to an introverted person becoming more withdrawn and fatigued, especially if the interaction is long in duration and/or intensity.  It’s as though “batteries are included” and they require down time to recharge for further use.

Extraverts, with their less active brain tissue, seem to be energized by social interaction.  Think of a solar powered machine that functions best when outside.  Extraverts typically do not need much down time, and could even be uncomfortable being alone for too long. 

Relationships

Whether you're an extravert or an introvert, it's important to recognize that we are all different and must understand our own needs as well as the needs of others in maintaining adequate energy levels.

Extraverts may not understand their introvert partner's need to have some time alone.  Introverts may not understand their extravert partner's need to socialize and interact with others.  Whether this is a best friend, significant other, family member, co-worker or otherwise -  it’s very important to be clear that these behaviors are due to different energetic needs and it isn’t to be taken personally. 

Introvert/introvert relationships do well in that the partners have similar needs for down time.  In these relationships, however, partners may find that they hold back in communicating with one another, potentially leading to distancing.  Extravert/extravert relationships share in the enjoyment of outside or social activities. In these relationships, because extraverts enjoy communicating, there could be some competition for attention and having the floor.  Basic communication skills, expressing needs to each other and compromising helps avoid unnecessary conflict or distance in the relationship.

Personally, I'm an introvert.  Many have mistaken me for an extravert due to my outgoing nature at times.  What I have learned about myself is though I may enjoy connecting with others very much, I need time and space to recharge by "batteries".  If I don't take care of myself, I will have to shut down and withdraw into my shell.  And here I go. 

Shannon